28 September 2010

No More Advice

Dear all,

I love you. Really I do. You, friends and acquaintances closely connected or loosely associated, are good people who mean well. I know your words come from a good place. You want to share your experiences and offer pearls of wisdom to us who haven't had our babies yet.

But however well-meaning, your advice is condescending and not helpful. Your few weeks or months as parents do not make you experts, do not make you the authority on what's going to happen when this baby shows up and how our lives will change.

Please stop telling us that our lives will change- (Oh my god you mean the around-the-clock care and raising of another human being who is completely depending on us will affect our daily routine? Why did no one tell us this?!) DUH we know that. And you actually sound pretty stupid saying it.

Please stop asking us what we are planning for delivery, if I'm going to nurse, and what kind of carseat we've picked and then telling us if we chose right or wrong. It is none of your business, and the fact that you are my age and have a matter of months under your belt doesn't make you a trustworthy source in my book.

We tried to conceive this little girl for quite a while before it happened, and I have wanted to be a mommy for much longer. Even before I was pregnant I read and researched different aspects of pregnancy and parenthood, so hungry was I for knowledge and information. All the research in the world doesn't make up for my lack of hands-on mom experience, but please don't talk to me like I'm clueless and need your little pearls of wisdom to make it through the first months of motherhood.

I know you mean well, but it's quite enough thank you. Something tells me that with some things, I know more going into this than you did, so stop telling me what's going to happen. Every baby, every parent, every scenario is different, and though we started trying first and giving birth last we will make our way. I grow tired of smiling and nodding in response to your pompous and invasive advice.

Thanks, ~S


  1. AMENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNn love this post. I laughed reading it <3

  2. Ha! So true. I have been reading your blog for some time, but my interest picked up when you got pregnant. Food and pregnancy? Perfect! I also loved your post about natural childbirth. It isn't "being a martyr" to want to do it without drugs, and I had no trouble doing it three times that way (not that it was easy, but I never thought of asking for drugs.) Can't wait to keep following you on your journey!